Need to Breathe

While i love the band by whom the title of this post was inspired, this is not about them.
This is about me.  Today was the first day back to school after spring break.  Now break was not restfull for our family.  It was good not to have a "schedule" b/c you know I am soooo schedule oriented.  But i liked not worrying about Cali not getting enough nap if she goes down after 1 and then we have to be at school at 3 for pick up.  Today went pretty well, other than Cassie forgetting her lunch & Ben crying at school b/c i would not let him play outside when the temp on March 28th was 27 degrees!  Cali is slowly getting better from her ear infection, caused by 2 year molar #3 coming in.  She is still feverish at times but when the advil is working she is just fine.  When it wears off, however, we are all in deep trouble. 
The really chaos started at a little before 5 when I had to go pick-up Cassie from school.  On mondays she stays late for guitar lessons. . . (that is another post all together) and once all 5 of us were under the same roof, it was not pretty.  Kids are hungry, tired, crabby, everyone wants to help make dinner, & no one is obeying.  It felt pretty stressful around here till just a short while ago when I put Cali & Ben in bed.  I think they are sleeping now.  Cass is upstairs. . . I told her lights out sometime ago but I still hear movement coming from above.  I am tired.  I need to breathe. . . alone.  I need to sleep. . . alone.  I need to think. . . alone.  I'm not wishing the years away, I am not.  I am just trying to find a few moments of solitude in a day.  Trying to use the bathroom without someone knocking or coming in.  I love my kids dearly.  I love them to pieces.  They just test my wits & resolve & patience & sanity & breath everyday.  So now that it is quiet, I am going to go plan for tomorrow.  I am going to open my book and read.  Tonight the book wins over the tv.  I can't wait to find out what happens next.

Sound of Your Voice - retreat 2011 theme song.

I ran away from your love



But you waited for me


Yes, you waited for me


And then I heard your song


Singing over me


Singing over me






Now that I hear you, Lord


I want to know you more


I want to know you more






Sing your song to me


Oh, there’s no greater thing


Than to listen to the sound of your voice


When I hear your song


I want to sing along


And listen to the sound of your voice


The sound of your voice






Lord, I am calling your name


And I’m waiting for you


Yes, I’m waiting for you


So won’t you show me your way


And I will follow you


Yes, I will follow you






Singing over me


Bringing peace and mercy


With a song that never ends


Singing over me


Marvelous and holy


Lord, I want to hear your song again

Bensim

Last night as I was tucking my very sleepy 4 year old into his bed his said this:
"Mommy it feels like there is something wrong inside my body when someone leaves"
With some questions like does it hurt, where do you feel it, when do you feel it and poking this came out;
"it feels like sad"
when bud?
"when daddy leaves for a meeting, when Nana & Pop leave our house, when Madeline leaves, when you go out, when we leave somewhere."
My boy loves his peeps!