JOY

I am still feeling a little bit numb from the events of this past Friday.
In a town only about an hour from here 20 kids were senselessly murdered.
It hit home in an incredibly powerful way for my husband and I.
We spent so much of Friday afternoon & evening crying and just starring at each other.
We hugged our kids extra.  We kissed them.  Even if they didn't want us to.
There was a pain in my chest that i have not felt since I had to hand Cali over to the OR staff on 2/11/2009.  It was the only way I could describe what I was feeling to my husband.
We very purposefully kept the tv off and just read the news online.  We had no strenght for the images.  I don't want to sound like I am making this about me.  But in sharing what I felt/feel serves a purpose.  If I am feeling this low about it all, how must those poor people in Newton feel.  It is overwhelming to me to think about them.
Just 2 days later it would be the third Sunday of Advent and we would be focusing on Joy.  JOY?!?!?  How do you talk and celebrate Joy when we have just witness this heinous crime?  How do you smile and think about all the good stuff when the pain for so many is so real and vivid and so much more intense and permanent than mine?  The kicker in all this is that I had to present the children's sermon at church.  JOY.  What?!?!  I had a few things planned ~ talking a bit about things that don't bring people Joy.  (Traffic at the mall, burned cookies, and other simple things for little ones to relate too.)  But the reality became there was no way I could get up in front of church and talk about all the little things that take away from the Joy of Christmas and then just say look for Joy in everything.  I talked about it with my husband and with my dear friends.  I jotted down a few notes.  I am a crier.  I shed tears at the drop of a hat and less!  How do I do this?  God help me.  I can say that God truly spoke through me at church Sunday morning.  I can also say I really felt the Spirit guiding my words.
As a preface I said something about it being hard to find Joy when we just want to be sad.  I started  my message with talking about things that make us happy and how happy is different from Joy.  Things that make me happy ~ sending Christmas cards & cooking for people.
Things that bring JOY!
1. A Snow day
2. Presents on Christmas Morning
3. Cassie going to One Direction world
4. Ben's eyes when he pranks someone
5. A bride & groom who see each other for the first time
6. Dr. Marans telling us he would see Cali in 2 years.

Just a few things I thought about.  A short list.
I also told the kids that I believe we feel this Joy way deep down inside of us in the depths of our heart because that's where Jesus is.  He is in our hearts and He is the source of our Joy.  I challenged these kids to find Joy in times of sadness.  So I cried and made a few other people cry along the way but you know what there was Joy in sharing with people I love!

Thanksgiving is when??!??!

Having no power for 8 days was a challenge
A challenge we survived and came away from very Thankful for all the goodness God had shown us during very trying times.
However once the power came back on we were exhausted.  8 days of planning, timing everything as best we could, 8 days of trying to not to make a mess.  Two nights after the power came back on I slept for close to 11 hours!  I am so grateful to have power back on and that life is sort of back to normal.  Yet there is a lingering twinge of disarray left in the air.  Those 2 weeks of not normal are going to have lasting impact.  It threw everything off.  We have seen pictures of our beloved Ocean Grove, NJ ~ while the damage there was minimal compared to other shore towns there was definate losses that are evident. So just how does this all relate to Thanksgiving?  I promise there is a link.  See "loosing" two weeks to Sandy has made everything happen sooner than I realized it would.  And with Thanksgiving being very early this year it just snuck up on us.  I am not ready for all this.  I feel so behind in my Christmas shopping.  I didn't spend hours looking for fun new recipes to make.  I am trying to be organized about it all but it is just not working.  Christmas cards are almost finalized!   But my brain feels scattered.  Ben's birthday is also right around the corner and after his b-day the Christmas celebrations begin!  One day at a time.  I am trying to enjoy the moments I can and to keep it simple.  I don't always do simple well.  I like a big splash!  For now I will do somethings I love, (going out to eat with friends, seeing a movie w. my hubby, making Thanksgiving Baskets with youth group) and somethings I don't ~ washing dishes, dusting, cleaning up after 3 kids and trying to decide what to give as Christmas gifts this year).

And Just How Did It Get to Be November 7th

YIKES!!!! October came and went with a blur.
Hurricane Sandy certainly played a big part in making the transition from October and November very complicated.  A week off of school for both kids in school.  An extra 2 days off for Ben since the power outages in Wyckoff were/are so bad.
To top it all off I am typing as it is snowing outside.  Did I mention that there was 2.0 earthquake the other day only about 15 miles from here????
So to summarize October I'll make an outline....no pictures this time, they are still on my camera.
October 3:  MOPS, Cross Country, GEMS
October 7:  Youth Group & Amplified
October 9:  Cross Country
10th:  New Hope
11th:  Cross Country....leave for Pittsburgh
In Pittsburgh ~ go to the playground, celebrate Cora's Birthday, Wii Just Dance, Fall Festival
14th:  Return from Pittsburgh
16th:  Cross Country, pick up Cliff from airport, Steel Magnolias
17th:  MOPS, GEMS
20th:  Wyckoff 5k, Corn Maze
21st:  Youth Group & Amplified
22nd:  Sierra Hull Concert
25nd:  Harvest Festivals
26th:  Foodie Club Thailand Night!!!  Delicious & Fun!
27th:  Trunk or Treat, Halloween Party @ Denekamps
28th:  Family Pictures and Dinner with the Wilsons
29th:  Hurricane Sandy arrive
30th:  no school
31th:  no school

And There goes September...

Besides the normal 1st day of school stuff that happens in September ~ as seen by the previous post ~ we had an extra few adventures.

We went to San Diego for a wedding.  All five of us got on a plane to fly across the country to what we thought would be amazing Southern California weather.  Not so.  It was a heatwave...highs of 104, 106...the highest temperatures they have seen in 15 - 20 years!!!  yikes...it was HOT!!!
The wedding was beautiful and we enjoyed every moment we spent in Cali.  Our kids were very well behaved pretty much everywhere we went.  I giggled a few times because I was taking my Cali to Cali LOL  :-)  We went to the beach, the zoo, tried surfing, ate fish tacos & enjoyed In & Out Burgers.  It was a quick trip but we had so much fun...just don't ask why I slept in 4 different beds in 4 days.

We also went to Hershey Park with our dearest friends the Millers.  We had such a fun time and once again we closed down the park.

Cassie joined the Cross Country Team so we've been to a few meets at Goffle Brook Park.

I hosted my friends from Steel Magnolias for a party of the patio...we had so much fun then too.

Foodie Club continues to be such a great time.  I laugh so hard when I am with these ladies.  Italian Night was a success but I am tickled pink to have talked them into an Asian night....Thailand here we come!!!!!!!!!!!

Ben is having a great year so far at Coolidge.  I am class mom and have gotten involved there with a few things.  Cassie is doing good in 6th grade too.  I signed up to be her class mom too.

October is a week old already and has proven to be exciting as well.  Never enough time though.  Still never enough time to everything.

1st day of Kindergarten

First Day of 6th Grade

Peach Picking (a few apples & tomatoes too)

going for just pictures tonight....

And 2 Months Later a recap

Hello Summer where did you go???  I think 10 weeks of vacation is a LONG time...especially with kids.  But yikes this summer FLEW by at a speed unknown before to me.  What made this summer so different???  Camps??  Life??? Three active, crazy, demanding, busy kids???  Church?? I don't know but in this last week before school starts I am trying to fit stuff in.  I am going to miss my Ben so much.  He is off to Kindergarten for 3 full days and 2 days till 1pm.  I'll be able to get stuff done a little easier but boy it's going to be an adjustment getting not having him with me that much.  I cried when I put Cassie on the school bus for Kindergarten....she was so excited.  She could not wait for that yellow bus to drive up our street to pick her up.  This year as I take Ben to school, there will be no yellow bus.  One of the hardest decisions of my life has been made in the past 6 months.  The choice to send Ben to public school here in Wyckoff and to ECES.  It has been an agonizing, long-drawn out, gut-wrenching process.  I'm sure there will tears for me....Ben is super excited and has the best outlook on life.  He is so compassionate and caring.  He has a heart like Jesus most of the time.
So this week we'll go to the movies, have lunches out, play with friends, and try to squeeze as much of summer as possible.  We'll eat ice cream and go to the beach.
Ice cream for lunch today???  I think it is a plan.

So in review of my summer goals...
1. sewing - - no progress
2. hosting- -  about 50% some weeks none, some weeks multiple
3. 1x of scrapbooking
4. Not always once a week to the pool but lots of weeks with multiple trips...also kids swimming with just Nana & Pop a few times
5. 4 day trips to the beach, hopefully peaches this week & fried green tomatoes.
6. I think 2x we have used our free tickets, including tonight.
We saw Brave (not free ~but at the "fancy" theater for $36 for all 5 of us), ParaNorman ($10 for 4 people), Timmy & Ben saw the Spiderman movie, We also saw Ice Age had planned for it to be 2 free tickets but i had managed to lose my card.  Now I have a new one.
7...Dates... we went out to dinner together in Ocean Grove.  It was awesome.  Tonight we head out to see our free movie...The Bourne Legacy.  We'll have a drink or dessert before hand.

Summer Goals

The first day of summer has officially passed.  It is here.  And right now it is hot!  And my kids are not getting along.  Even in the pool they fight.  It is not fun.  We (I) however, do have some plans for the summer.  I have decided I need help.  Both Cassie & Ben will each spend 2 weeks at a camp.  I picked weeks that do not overlap on purpose so that gives me more time with just 2 kids.  The fighting & bickering & annoying is out of control and we are only a week in.  I am trying to make fun stuff happen but with the age range and the need to still wash clothes, clean the dishes and the like it has been tough.  But I do have a short list of things I want to accomplish just for me!

1.  Learn how to sew.
2.  Have someone over at least once a week...a family from church...a play date for one of my kids....family...I enjoy hosting & such.  So far we seem right on track with this one!
3.  scrapbook!  i want to make progress in my books.
4.  swim once a week, if weather allows.
5.  Day trips to the beach or fruit picking or maybe a museum (ha ha ha)
6.  use our free movie tickets on Tuesday night!
7.  Find time for date with my hubby....i know we just went to Mexico but we need to keep making time for us!

Mexico

We're going to Mexico for 5 nights...just me and my darling dearest husband.
Looking forward to quiet time together...no cooking...no cleaning...no request for food or drink...sleeping w/o being woken up by crying.  No I don't like this or I don't want to.
Time recharge & refresh.  I hope it takes  :-)
To get me in the mood here a few songs...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FVAUP_Yigw
James Taylor ~ Mexico
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQq1G5o2Fis
Tim McGraw ~ Refried Dreams
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nj2700em-JQ
Joe Nichols ~ Tequilla makes her clothes fall off
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8XkLrErSHw
Kenny Chesney ~ You & Tequilla
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPCjC543llU
Jimmy Buffet & Alan Jackson ~ It's Five O' Clock Somewhere

Change

So many things around us are changing.
So many things that we always thought would stay the same are changing.
We are making choices we never thought we would have to make.
Talking about things we don't really want to be talking about.
It feels at time that so much around us is no longer what we want it to be.
So much around us is changing and there is little or nothing we can do about it.
Sigh.  Deep Breath.  Pray.  I find myself praying a lot these days.
I also signed up for a Soul Detox, a program designed to get you reading the bible everyday, something I have been very bad at all my life.  I'll have to restart once I get back from Mexico but I am hoping I can build a good habit here.  Having the daily reading come to in my inbox is perfect for me!

Busy

On a fairly regular basis things happen in my life that i think would make a great little blog post.  A few sentences to remember later on in life.  However, I have not posted in almost a month.  Oh How Does Time Fly?  Let me count the ways.  May has been super busy with lots of fun stuff.
In a not so brief recap of the highlights:
1st - Ben goes to eye dr. for first time in preparation for K.
2nd - MOPS
3rd- school meeting for parents
4th - foodie group - - Cinco De Mayo
5th - happy birthday Daddy Timmy & Pop Pop & Aunt Hilda Party
6th - Hike & Youth Group
9th - Happy Birthday Timmy - lobsters & cuban sandwiches
12 - cooking class
13th - mother's day - dinner on patio
14th - congregational meeting @ church
15th - Steel Magnolias, eye doctor,
16th - MOPS Brunch & Last Meeting, Grandparents Day for Ben, Middle School Concert
17th - GREAT ADVENTURE!  6:45 departure . . . music competition & then we hit the park
Batman, Superman, El Torro, Nitro, Rolling Thunder, log flume.
18th - scrapbooking  :-)
19th - Habitat For Humanity House Dedication, Timmy goes fishing...Library Visit
20th - CF Walk, Youth Group, Church
21st - Game 4 of Devils vs. Rangers...Timmy attends Game with Joel
22nd - NL vs. Bayern Munich
23rd - Bethany Dinner @ The Venetian
24th - Leave for Pittsburgh
25th - Madeline's Memorial Day Assembly & some pool time!
26th - Kennywood!  Cali's 1st Rollercoaster
27th - Church & Calm
28th - Happy Memorial Day - drive back from Pittsburgh
29th - home sweet home!! it's hot hot hot! we go swimming!
30th - MOPS Steering Team Meeting...make carrot cake...out to dinner with the Ladies of Steel Magnolias...Justin's...very yummy! Daddy takes kids to the pool
31st - Cali gives herself a haircut.  We need to make emergency visit to Elizabeth @ salon.
          gardening still to come!  As well as  a visit to the Wildlife Center

i have 3 kids but only 1 is being featured here...

Again Ben had some fun things to say today...

"tomorrow morning i am going outside to camp for the rest of my life b/c then i get to make my own decisions"

when i asked him some more questions about food, clothes, tent ect..

he'll take food from inside the house

he'll let the rain wash his clothes on a clothes line

he'll have Daddy help him set up the tent so he can sleep in there & stay dry when it rains.

he'll use the bathroom outside and sneak juice boxes from the car.

"I feel like going to church"  I asked him what for..."for everything we normally do"  like on Sunday?  "yup"

More from Ben...

Ben would like to know if before Adam & Eve ate the apple, if the sun gave people sunburn.

also..."do you think the Easter Bunny brings Santa a basket?"

and along the same line..

"I think Santa brings something to the Easter Bunny's house."

love this boy!

My Shoe Girl

Needed to buy Cassie some new shoes for church..the hand-me-downs I gave her hurt her feet.
So off to Marshall's we went to find something suitable.
While in the shoe department Cali found all kinds of shoes she liked.
"This one Cali size?"
"This one my size?"
So cute...she came home with a new pair of shoes too b/c i love shoes!

Ben's Wisdom

Is legacy a disease with your leg?

I know two ways parents can remember their kids after they die.  You can go to the cemetary where they get burried or you can have them in a box in your house after they get burned up.  Then you can see the box and remember your kid.

a discussion on spending vs. saving....
Can you take me to spend my sixteen dollars?
mommy talks about saving vs. spending...saving for something big vs. little stuff....
Ben:  maybe i can give some of it to the poor people in Paterson
mommy tells him a good way to help poor people is to buy groceries for New Hope.  he should pick out some of his favorite foods and give them to the food pantry to help others.
Ben likes this idea then says "You know what my favorite part about New Hope is?"
mommy knew his answer before he said it.  "Little Hannah"  Oh my boy loves his friends!!!

Homemade Laundry Soap

In an effort to save $$$ I started making my own laundry soap to use for towels, whites, work clothes, sheets, blankets.
I have been very excited by how well it works.
I still buy some regular detergent to use on the gentle cycle but happily saving money on a necessary evil.
So if you want to try here is the recipe I follow.
1 box washing soda ($2.99 for a 55 ounce box @ shoprite)
1 box borax ( $3.99 for a 79 ounce box @ shoprite)
1 bar Dr. Bronner's Magic Soaps Bar Soap - Pure-Castile All-One Hemp Lavender
Made with organic oils! ($2.89 for a 5 ounce bar @ shoprite)


1 bar Fels-Naptha Heavy Duty Laundry Bar Soap ($1.29 for a 5.5 ounce bar @ Shoprite)


I've used other bar soaps in place of the Dr. Bronner's but recently discovered this soap and have been wanting to give it a go.  comes in other scents too.

The last time I made a batch was January.  It is almost May & am finally out.  I did use my Up & Up detergent as well.  But I purchased a large container of that in January as well and I still have 2 loads in there ( I think).

The hardest part is grating the bars of soap with microplane or cheese grater.  

mix everything together in a large container.

use 1 or 2 Tablespoons per load.

Where is my Ben????

Ben has not been himself for the last 10 days or so.
At first I thought it was being tired from too much outside play & not enough sleep & downtime.
This boy was made for outside.
Bare feet, dirty everything.  Feet so black I can't scrub them clean.
I think he is growing too because he is eating up a storm.
But he's also been having a hard time letting go at school in the morning.
Extra hugs & kisses - - saying things like "Mommy I want to spend the whole day with you."
"I don't want to go to school today."  He's been having a hard time with his best buddy at school.
They get along so well most of the time but when they disagree it gets unpleasant fast.  I worry too b/c Ben is quite a bit bigger than his friend and sometimes they play rough on purpose.
I am at a loss.  This is so not like him.
He usually only is this way with his big sister, and that is b/c that is the way she treats him.
But now it is spilling over...and i keep talking and talking and some yelling and sometimes grabbing him to stop him in his tracks so he can regroup and refocus his energy in a positive way.
He's copying so much of Cassie's negative behavior.
I have been questioning God's decision to give us three kids.  Can I really do this?
I am a stay-at-home-mom yet most days I feel like I have no clue & am flying by the seat of my pants.
Why won't my kids obey (even just part of the time).  Why is everything a battle?
Why is it so hard to understand that the decisions Mommy & Daddy make for you are not made to be mean or annoy you but that we are looking ahead many years from now to help you become an adult who can function in society.  I am daily challenged as a parent.  I can feel the hairs on my neck raise up as I try to teach my kids manners or respect.  Or how to treat people you don't like.  It's a tough road and I know it will get harder.  Some days I am just at a loss.

mother's day greetings

5x7 Folded Card

View the entire collection of cards.

will be sending my Mom in Florida some special greetings for Mother's Day

Something Ben said a few weeks back

The conversation went something like this...so & so said they know of someone who married someone 20 years older than them. isn't that crazy momma...how many years between me and gwen? 5 1/2 bud she's the same age as Cassie. 
oh, that's not too many right?

Easter in Review

Easter 2012 in pictures!  :-)